I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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