At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
