she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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