I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
