I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
