How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
