Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I will be naked everywhere
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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