I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
