You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
