first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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