hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
