i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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