hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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