I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
