I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
