that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
