We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I didn't shave. On purpose
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
