And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
