i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
