Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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