Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
