That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
