Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
