what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dignity is for republicans.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
