saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
