Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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