everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize