he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
