okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Im part way to drunk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
