went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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