This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
