If i come over, it means nothing
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
