I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
