Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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