Where did you get a picture of my penis
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
