Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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