she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
