My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
