dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
