Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
