am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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