Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
