We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
