If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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