I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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