i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
