I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
