I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
