Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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