Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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