just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This baby is an asshole
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
