Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
