it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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