We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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