i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
