The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
