We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
