apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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