At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
