I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
