If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
