yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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